To wed or not to wed? That is a very important question you should ask yourself if you are about to make one of the most important decisions of your life.
Maybe your family is pressuring you to finally get hitched. Maybe your getting closer to the ideal age for marriage that researchers are constantly talking about. Maybe, you just want to have someone greeting you when you come back from work…other than your loyal dog. Whatever your reason, it brought you to the point where you’re entertaining the idea or marriage.
Unfortunately, there’s no quiz or mathematical formula to confirm that you’re ready for marriage. You’ll just have to rely on your intuition (and possibly your experience, if any). It’s normal to feel anxious and even have doubts that you’re marriage material, after all, you’re about to make one of the biggest decisions of your life. To help you out in determining whether your “I do” is actually an “I don’t”, check out these 10 red flags you’re not ready to get married just yet.
You’ve never been single
While your friends freely and willingly enjoyed their single life, hopping from bar to bar at night and gong on all-girls or all-boys vacations, you preferred a more settled, comfortable life in the arms of your significant other.
But just because you’ve been in monogamous relationships for several years, doesn’t mean you are wife/husband material. Not until you’ve perfected the art of being happy on your own. You need to find out if the reason you are in a relationship is that you’re simply afraid of being single or because you are really cut out for marriage.
To help you out, check out these 7 Reasons Why You Need to Learn to Be Single.
You still have feelings for your ex
If you’ve sometimes fantasized about your ex barging in just as the priest was uttering the famous “Speak now or forever hold your peace” phrase, it’s pretty clear that you’re not over the guy (or gal). Before you commit to another person and decide to embark on a life journey together, you have to get rid of all your emotional baggage and unresolved feelings. Otherwise, you’re just not ready to get married.
You’re too career-oriented
You usually arrive at the office at the crack of dawn and leave after the sun has long set. You don’t have time to have lunch outside your cubicle (or so you say), work overtime, during the weekends and take on more tasks than you can carry.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the only thing you are is too busy to enjoy a functional relationship and walk down the aisle with someone. You are clearly married to your job and there’s not enough space in your life for a spouse.
You think it’s a band-aid solution
If you’re familiar with the Band-Aid baby (a baby conceived to save a marriage), then think of this as the wedding version. Sitting in front of the aisle and swearing “Til death do us part” to another person while wearing a rented wedding dress or suit is not the way to build and strengthen a rocky relationship.
The constant arguments, disrespect, infidelity, toxic jealousy and the list could go on, do not just go away when you say your I dos. If your relationship is not in a good place, you cannot rely your entire future on a legally binding document.
You have too many secrets
One or two minor secrets won’t destroy your relationship, but a closet full of skeletons will probably be a dealbreaker in most cases. If you know you’ve kept some things hidden from your future husband/wife, there are two things you can go about this: fess up or break up.
If you are worried that your partner will not be able to understand your reasons, or they don’t seem trustworthy when it comes to keeping secrets, it’s a clear indication that you’re not made for one another.
You’re too independent
Nobody wants to be in a relationship and, later on, marriage, with a clingy, needy and dependent person. On the other hand, nobody wants to be with someone who’s too used to doing everything on their own, without asking or involving their partners in their life.
Healthy relationships function on a certain level of interdependence and selflessness. There’s no more “me first” and “I will do what I want”. You have to stop putting your needs first all the time and make room in your life for your partner. Narcissism doesn’t exactly go hand in hand with partnership.
If you’re not the narcissistic one, here are 10 signs you’re dating one.
You have the same fights over and over again
She’s still upset about the company party he flirted with one of his coworkers. He’s still angry about her using the joint credit card for her binge-shopping sessions. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and arguments are part of it, but when you open old wounds and have the same fights over and over again, it might be that you’re not ready to get hitched…not with this person anyway. If your arguments don’t resemble these 10 Normal Fights Even Happy Couples Have, it might be time to hit the pause button on your wedding plans.
You’re together for the wrong reasons
You love your partner, but are you IN LOVE with him/her? The answer to this question might make or break your nuptial plans. You love who they might become but not who they really are at the moment. Your family is constantly pressuring you to get married, you don’t want to be alone, you think you’re too old to start a new relationship, you.re tired of being the third wheel whenever you go out with your married friends.
There could be numerous reasons to make you walk down the aisle, but if love is not one of them, you might want to consider your options and find someone you truly want to get married to.
You don’t have the same values
It’s true opposites attract but not when it comes to values, morals and life goals. When you’re young, you might go past the fact that you don’t think and abide by the same rules, but at a certain point, you realize that if you want to stay in the same boat, you both have to row in the same direction.
If you have completely different views on issues like finances, monogamy, children, faith and other character-defining principles, issues that cannot be brought to a common denominator, it’s clear that your I dos will not make these discrepancies go away.
On that note, make sure you discover these 6 Things YOU Learn After Moving In With Your Partner. They might tell you if you’re marriage material or not.
You have an exit strategy
Do not listen to the little devil on your shoulder when it tells you to get a tacky tattoo or bet all your rent money at poker night. Listen to the little angel on your shoulder telling you to take things one step at a time so you don’t regret it. If you find yourself thinking about divorce papers even before you’ve been placed a ring on your finger (or bought an engagement ring), it might be because you’re not really ready to wed.
Cold feet, pre-wedding jitters, bridal nerves, call it whatever you want- are normal. But when your fears and doubts are so big that you’ve already thought of an exit strategy, it might be better not to enter that sort of predicament in the first place.