Relationships are not perfect. They all have their twist and turns, and that’s perfectly normal. But what happens when you no longer feel attracted to your partner? Does that mean it’s time to break up and go your separate ways?
Most couples go through the honeymoon stage, when the attraction level is at its highest and you see your partner in a mesmerizing light. According to scientists, this stage lasts about eighteen months. When the physical attraction dies down, you need to focus on other aspects that make your partner just as attractive. That being said, learn how to feel attracted to your partner all over again and make your relationship even stronger than before.
Reevaluate the attractiveness level
What would you say makes your partner attractive in your eyes? While you’re evaluating their attractiveness, try to reassess yourself as well. Feeling attracted to your partner is not only about physical attraction, it’s about the feelings you get when looking and being with them, it’s about companionship, emotional and intellectual compatibility.
If you want to rekindle the spark, try to see your partner as a whole – looks, wits, behavior, compatibility – and factor in all the positive aspects that make you a happy and stable couple.
Acknowledge your fears and overcome them
When your feelings of anxiety overwhelm you, it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to see your partner in a positive light. Whether you want it or not, you end up pouring your anger and frustration at them, just because they’re there. it’s the easiest way out, but not only is it bad for you but it is also detrimental to your relationship.
That’s why the best approach is to realize what your fears and frustrations are and try to overcome them before it’s too late for the two of you. Once you’ve regained your internal balance, you can focus on getting your relationship back on track. With the stressful factors out of the way, such as your job, you can feel positive feelings towards your partner again and build an even stronger bond.
Learn to love yourself
When we don’t have a good opinion about ourselves, we are more inclined to see the faults in our partners as well. Why not practice a little bit more acceptance instead? The more you like yourself, the more understanding and forgiving you’ll be with those around you, including your partner.
If there’s something bothering you about yourself, work out a way to solve that issue and improve yourself. No one can help you evolve more than you can, so, focus on self-development if you want to feel better about yourself and have a healthy relationship with your partner. Your insecurities can take a toll on every aspect of your life, your relationship included. Once you’ve moved past them, you’ll be able to enjoy the company of your partner and feel even more attracted to them than before.
Remember what made you fall in love
What made you fall in love with your partner in the first place? Was it their looks? Their kindness? Their humor? With the passing of time, you might take your partner for granted and focus more on what bothers you about them instead of what you like and appreciate about them. Routine inevitably sets in and between paying the bills, doing household chores and going to work, you feel like all days are the same.
Instead of letting monotony affect the way you see your partner, try to focus on what you like about them and the way they make you feel when they’re around.
Boost the mental and emotional connection
It’s not for nothing that most relationship experts say that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Communication can help you solve many unsuspected issues between you and your partner, including the attraction you feel for each other.
We all need someone to support us in life no matter what and who better than someone we are emotionally and mentally connected to. Not to mention that an emotional connection is also beneficial when it comes to the physical connection.
To improve and strengthen this connection, spend more time with your partner doing things you both like, talking about the things that matter to you most, not only about who pays what bill. Do this regularly and you’ll feel more attracted to your partner.
Make sure you don’t have any underlying health issues
You might think it’s the routine that’s making you feel less attracted to your partner. But, in truth, your decreasing attraction and libido can also be affected by various health issues. For example, anxiety and exhaustion are major culprits in terms of low libido. Drugs and alcohol, hormonal issues, depression and getting older can also take a toll on your sexual drive.
If you’ve been experiencing low libido or a complete lack of interest in activities you used to find pleasurable, you might want to make a doctor’s appointment and find out if an underlying condition needs to be addressed.
Don’t wallow and get complacent in your relationship. No one likes to be taken for granted. To bring back the spark in your relationships and feel attracted to your partner all over again, think of all the things you love about them. Not only that, but also remind them about it too.
Tell your partner what you see in them, compliment them about the things they do or say that you appreciate. Show that you are grateful for having them in your life, even if it’s only by making simple gestures like preparing them coffee in the morning or leaving them a cute post-it on the fridge. it will not only make them feel better but you will also become more focused on the positive aspects of their personality and feel more attracted to them without even realizing it.
For inspiration, check out these 19 Expert-Recommended Ways to Be a More Thoughtful and Proactive Partner.
Do exciting things together
During an experiment conducted by renowned Arthur Aron, couples were given a list of activities divided into two categories: pleasant activities, like going out with friends, going to the cinema, making dinner together and exciting activities such as skiing, ice skating or bungee jumping. Couples were then asked to choose one activity per week and perform it together in 90 minutes or so. After then weeks, the participants who opted for exciting activities claimed they felt more satisfied with their relationships than those who enjoyed the pleasant activities.
The takeaway? Excitement can help a relationship in more ways than ever imaginable. Whenever we experience something new, we focus on the experience and appreciate it but we also start appreciating our partners more, for sharing that memorable experience with us. So, don’t hesitate to get out of your comfort zone and do something different every once in a while to strengthen your connection and boost attractiveness in your relationship.
Learn the “Love language”
As explained by American author and radio talk show host, Gary Chapman, there are five languages of love that people use to show their feelings: quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation and physical touch. Everyone has a different way of showing their love and a different preference as to what makes them feel loved.
Some people might like to be complimented, which falls in the “words of affirmation” category, while others might feel appreciated if their partners lavish them with gifts or spend quality time together. According to Chapman, the five languages of love are equally important and that’s why you should integrate all of them into your relationship. It will boost your connection as a couple and help you to feel more attracted to each other.
Be independent, not needy
When you rely on your partner for everything and assume they are there to meet all your needs and expectations, the fact that they are not might come as a shock. Not only that but it can turn you against them and make you resent them for not catering to your every need.
However, in a healthy relationship, you can’t rely on your partner to do everything for you and with you. You have to be independent and also be able to live outside your relationship, go out with friends and have hobbies that do not necessarily include your partner. It’s perfectly normal!