In the ‘honeymoon phase’ when you’re madly in love with the other person it’s easy to believe that you can overcome every obstacle that comes in your way. However, your relationship can be doomed, even if you love each other very much.
According to Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, “We are told as we grow up, that once you find someone you love all will be well.”
“No one prepares us for the other pieces that need to line up in addition to this.” While it’s true that you can’t build a future when there is no love, there are a lot of other things that are as important for the longevity of the relationship. Loving someone so much makes you ignore the other aspects that don’t work, Thompson says.
One thing is sure, though, nobody is perfect, and you shouldn’t look for perfection in a partner because you won’t ever find it. What you need is common goals, shared values, trust, and respect. As Thompson likes to say, while love is important, it’s even more important to really like your partner. You need to like their personality and to feel the desire to be around them.
Therefore, it’s not an easy thing to acknowledge that your relationship has no future, especially if you truly love your partner. Read on to discover the 9 signs your relationship is doomed!
Also read: 22 Reasons Why Relationships Typically Fail.
You don’t take accountability for your actions
If you’re the type of couple that fights all the time and stay mad at each other for days, chances are it’s not going to work. According to couples therapist Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, if neither of you can take accountability for your actions, it could mean that you and your partner are not willing to accept responsibility for other people’s actions.
It can be hard for some people to admit when they’re wrong, but if you want your relationship to be on the right path, you need to let go of your pride and acknowledge that you’re human and you make mistakes.
Also related to this topic: If Your Partner Is Asking You to Do These 10 Things, He’s Not The One.
Your relationship lacks physical intimacy
You need physical intimacy if you want to have a healthy relationship. Without it, it’s just a friendship, says Thompson. And we’re not only talking about sex, there’s much more to intimacy than that. You need hand-holding, cuddling sessions, massages, and a lot of affection if you want the relationship to thrive.
You never agree on anything
If you and your partner can’t seem to ever agree on anything, even when you talk about the small things, your love for each other won’t be enough. If you’re constantly fighting over the smallest things, I don’t see how it’s going to work.
Love is an essential part of a relationship, but you also need peace, and you can’t have it while fighting every day. According to Thompson, it’s a sign that you just can’t get along. If that’s the case in your relationship, you should expect more downs than ups.
Make sure to also check the 10 Signs You’re in An Emotionally Abusive Relationship and It’s Time to Get Out.
You’re willing to apologize but you’re not willing to compromise
According to Tessina, if you find yourself constantly apologizing, you need to ask yourself whether the dynamic of your relationship is healthy or not. Also, it’s good that you can take responsibility when you’re wrong, but you should also learn to stand your ground when it’s appropriate.
A relationship needs apologies and compromises to function properly, but it won’t work if it’s all one-sided. You need to make compromises once in a while. Your feelings need to be heard, and your desires and expectations need to be aligned.
Your partner doesn’t care about your feelings
According to Laurel House, relationship coach and host of the Man Whisperer podcast, if your partner interprets your feelings as criticism, chances are it’s not going to work. For instance, if you tell your partner that you’re feeling lonely and something doesn’t work as it should and they take it personally, shut down, and get into that defensive mood, you’ll never be able to properly communicate and resolve your problems.
But that’s definitely something you can work on, especially if you really want the relationship to work. You just need to learn to communicate more openly with each other.
Your partner doesn’t stimulate you intellectually
According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, “Lasting romantic love requires more than surging chemicals and dizzying feelings of attraction and longing.”
According to relationship experts, there are two things that are equally important in a relationship — friendship and intellectual stimulation. These two things will help you create an indestructible bond and take your relationship to the next level.
Being intellectually compatible means sharing the same values, having the same sense of humor, and challenging each other in new, interesting ways.
“When you have these things, the relationship is always interesting, it meets your needs on many levels, and you have a bond that has the right stuff to grow and last through the challenges and changes that a shared life will bring,” Coleman says.
You’re not very affectionate with each other
Life can get hectic sometimes and it’s very easy to get caught up in everyday problems. However, you shouldn’t neglect those affectionate moments that every couple needs, and you definitely shouldn’t forget the importance of tenderness.
According to Tessina, the most important ‘ingredients’ for a long-lasting relationship are affection, politeness, and a little bit of everyday sweetness. These three combined will take your relationship to the next level.
And don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to act like you’re 16 again and you’re in love. You just have to be mindful of the little things that mean the most in a relationship. If you’re not able to do the small, sweet things for your partner, you won’t be able to do the big ones either.
Social media is a big part of your relationship
It doesn’t even matter if you found each other on Instagram, or if he sent you a message on Facebook and you’re now used to communicate through texts on social media. A relationship that going on the right path doesn’t need social media or texting 24/7.
According to psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, LMFT, PhD, if you see texting and seeing a post on social media as communication, your relationship has no future. You shouldn’t neglect the importance of in-person communication, and it will never be replaced by spending time on Facebook or Instagram.
Your partner can’t deal with uncomfortable emotions
According to therapist Julie Williamson, LPC, NCC, RPT, if your partner doesn’t respond very well to negative emotions or finds very strange ways to cope with it (physical aggression, substance abuse) this is a red flag that shouldn’t get overlooked.
Even if his reactions have nothing to do with you, it doesn’t mean that it will always be like that. For instance, if your partner is always aggressive with other people but treats you very nicely, maybe one day he’ll be aggressive to you too. According to Williamson, what you’re seeing now should help you make an idea of how well they will handle difficult situations and negative emotions in the future.
Try to talk to them and express your concerns, and if they’re not reacting as well as they should, maybe you’re wasting your time. According to Williamson, being in love is one of the greatest feelings, it can wrap us up and consume us. However, try to keep your head in the game as well.
Be with the person you love and the one that loves you back. Be with the one that understands you even when you’re not speaking. Prioritize actions and not words. And very important, remember that letting of a wrong one will only put you one step closer to finding the right one. So don’t be afraid to let go when it’s not what you wanted!
Make sure to also check the 25 Relationship Habits That Are Actually Dangerous.