Love and kinship | - on love, marriage, life, family, relationships

[caption id="attachment_91" align="alignnone" width="1000"] © Shutterstock[/caption] Often your partner can drop hints of being unhappy in a relationship and wanting to split up or walk away. If you feel like your partner is treating you as a burden or not telling you information about their life, they may not feel close to you anymore. In some situations, if your partner avoids making long-term plans and sees the negatives in your shared good memories, you may want to have an open conversation about how they feel and what's going to happen with your relationship. Above everything else, if you're uncertain about your relationship, have an open and frank conversation about it with your partner. Breakups can be extremely painful, but you can see them coming sometimes. In certain situations, your partner might drop subtle or clear hints that there's an issue in your relationship that may or may not be worth working through. Here are some signs that your partner might intend to end your relationship. Keep in mind that these signals do not automatically mean a breakup is coming, but they may mean your partner is feeling unsettled in your current relationship. Above all, having a transparent, honest conversation with your partner is the best way to find out where your relationship stands. [caption id="attachment_92" align="alignnone" width="1000"] © Shutterstock[/caption] If your partner tells you information selectively they may not feel committed to you. If your partner doesn't feel attached to you or connected to you, they may not share information in the same way, and discussions with them will feel different and disconnected. "When your partner is not interested in telling you about important life events, the intimacy begins to fade," Kia James, a licensed therapist, told Insider. "The less they share about their life, the more the wall begins to divide the two of you." Rather than pretending that everything is normal, James suggested you bring up how you feel and try organizing some activities that can help you two reconnect. "You should not ignore the distance," James said. "Tell your partner that you miss the connection between the two of you. Say you would like to work on and improve the relationship." Whether they hesitate to make arrangements or discuss the future in advance, they may not be ready to commit to you. If your partner was once happy to discuss your future and make long-term plans but it doesn't seem comfortable to do so anymore, it may be a sign that they see the end of that partnership. Kristie Overstreet, a licensed counselor and psychotherapist, explains that this may be a sign that a breakup is inevitable, but it's important to discuss your concerns with your partner before you assume anything. "It's important to not jump to conclusions and react without talking with your partner first," Overstreet said. "There may be other factors that are leading to these red flags." In certain situations, they may actually feel uncertain about the future or struggle with some of their own problems. When your future plans don't match up — they suggest, for example, that marriage isn't for them, but it's for you— you might be headed in different directions. "If your partner says that they don't want marriage, listen to what they are saying," said Stefanie Safran, a matchmaker and owner of Stef and the City. " "Just to assume that because their family likes you, you've dated for years, or you move in together, does not mean they are looking for something permanent." For instance, if you know you want to get married eventually and your partner tells you it's a no-go for them, you 're going to be better off in the long run if you believe what they're saying. Above all, Safran said, don't think you're going to be able to change their mind or if you just ignore that it's there, the problem will disappear. [caption id="attachment_93" align="alignnone" width="1000"] © Shutterstock[/caption] If you sense your partner is considering spending time with you as a chore, they may lose interest in your relationship. It's not all that unusual for couples to spend a significant amount of time together at the start of a relationship, but that usually tapers off a bit as you settle into your relationship and a routine. It's common for couples to spend time apart, but it's not a positive sign if your partner tends to view spending time with you as more of a chore than anything else. "It's important for each partner to have boundaries and spend time with friends and family, but if you feel like you're just one more person on their list of people to spend time with, it's worth addressing your concerns," Julie Williamson, a therapist and owner of Abundant Life Counseling St. Louis, explained. She clarified that it's crucial partners have the same level of commitment and if you don't believe that is the case you may not be able to trust your relationship. "You want to know that you and your partner can equally rely on each other to be each other's main person, the one you go to when you need comfort or support of some kind," she added. If you feel like in your gut that things between you and your partner aren't quite right, you might be onto something. Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator, said that if you feel like things have changed, but you can't seem to figure out why it's worth talking to your partner to find out what's going on. "Even if they become quiet, or get angry or distant — this is information," Coleman said. "It means they are feeling defensive and uncomfortable with the topic, often because they are avoiding dealing with your upset and hurt feelings and any conflict they could lead to." If while you are together your partner doesn't seem to be present, they may have lost interest. When your partner appears mentally and emotionally to be somewhere else while you two spend time together, Overstreet said, your relationship could probably end up. "You should ask your partner about their behavior," Overstreet told Insider. "Always use 'I' statements and don't come across as whiny or blaming. Let them know that you want to better understand their actions. Ask them directly if they are pulling away or don't want to be in a relationship." Overstreet added that if you feel you have to convince your partner they want to be in the relationship, you should let go of it. [caption id="attachment_73" align="alignnone" width="1000"] © Shutterstock[/caption] Changing the sex life of a couple in a healthy relationship is common throughout time, but it can also precede a breakup. Couples go through ebbs, flows, and changes throughout a relationship and that doesn't automatically mean you're headed for a breakup. But, Coleman said, shortly before a relationship ends, a change in a couple's sex life might happen. "Any change in level of interest, desire to connect, and overall attraction says that someone is not as into you as they were," Coleman told Insider, adding that this could happen for a period of time before a breakup. It is not a positive sign when you find that you got more criticism from your partner than compliments. Alisha Powell, a couple therapist, explained that if your partner is "criticizing you more than they compliment you," your relationship might be failing and there's a lack of niceties in your usual conversations. If your partner is unable to give you any compliments, or even be extremely pleasant to you, this is possibly a sign that the relationship will not last long. In certain situations, if you believe your partner doesn't treat you well, you may want to consider ending the relationship or talking to a trusted professional. If your partner sees the negatives frequently in formerly positive memories, they may be questioning your relationship or dealing with something else. Jess O'Reilly, a relationship expert, and writer explained that if your partner talks negatively about memories you used to consider to be good ones, it's a possible indication that something is wrong. When they look back on your happy, pleasant memories together and can only think about little things that went wrong— or believe that they went wrong— you may want to have a conversation as to why. Often the reasoning has nothing to do with you, and your partner might either need extra help to deal with an issue they haven't addressed yet. When you no longer fight or argue, your partner and your relationship might have become indifferent. Couples may not always agree on everything and it's common to have occasional disputes and even minor arguments. But if your partner doesn't see the point of talking it out, it could be because they know the relationship won't last, O'Reilly said.

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