As humans, we tend to get scared when our partners ask for space, instantly assuming that they don’t love us anymore, or want to end the relationship when in reality, wanting space is natural. But even though your partner wanting space might stir up all sorts of insecurities, it’s definitely not as dramatic as it appears to be.
Being a little nervous is normal, but that doesn’t mean you should just jump to conclusions. After all, learning how to prioritize your personal time is very important in a relationship, and it’s not the end of the relationship as some people might think.
Additionally, as many experts have explained, space can be good in a relationship. According to licensed couples therapist India Simms, LCMFT, “It’s important for couples to have a healthy level of influence on one another without being completely dependent.”
Make sure to also check: If Your Partner Is Using These Two Words, A Breakup Might Be Inevitable.
In fact, taking some time away from each other, even when it’s just for an hour or two, is actually healthy for the relationship. As Stephanie Wijkstrom, certified counselor and founder of Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh has explained, a good relationship is when you learn to establish a limit between the dichotomy of distance and closeness.
But there’s also a thing like too much space, which will eventually affect the relationship, but according to Dr. Kim Chronister, a licensed clinical psychologist, everything in excess will affect a relationship, so it’s important to find a balance.
Read on to discover the top 10 ways to give your partner space!
Read also: 10 Ways To Feel Attracted to Your Partner All Over Again.
If your partner wants space, that doesn’t mean you need to make big changes in your life as a couple. In fact, all it takes is a few small changes, such as trying not to call or text them every 5 minutes when they’re not near you, allow them to go out with their friends once in a while, or let them watch a football match on tv without constantly complaining that you want to see a movie on Netflix.
Also, if you feel like having a chat and telling them how your day went, make sure they feel like talking in that exact moment, by simply asking. This will show your partner that you’re respecting their boundaries and prioritizing their personal space.
Make sure to also check: 20 Early Signs You’re Completely Incompatible.
While it’s true that we live in the technology era and we’re used to staying in contact with the people we love via texts, constant texting doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is healthy. So in order to give your significant other more space, you need to resist the urge to text them every other 5 minutes.
According to Dr. Jeff Nalin, Psy.D., licensed clinical psychologist and chief clinical officer of Paradigm Malibu, “When we over-text our partners, we can stifle them and also interrupt their work or personal time, creating a feeling of being smothered.”
Even though we associate our phone with more communication, that’s not always the case. In fact, a recent study published study in the journal Mobile Media & Communication has shown that smartphone dependency is linked to less affectionate communication, which will eventually lower relationship satisfaction.
So instead of sending them 100 texts per day, limit yourself to a few cute messages, such as “Good morning” or a “Thinking of you” text in the middle of the day to let them know that you care.
As Megan Little, PhD, a therapist at Reframe Your Story Counseling and Consulting has explained, these cute texts can show your partner that you’re thinking of them without you bothering them all day long.
Read also: 10 Reasons Why Staying Together Is a Terrible Idea.
As previously mentioned, when your partner asks for space, it’s natural to assume that you’ve done something wrong or they don’t love you anymore. But the truth is, it has nothing to do with you unless you’re all over them 24/7, which might be exhausting for you both.
As a licensed clinical psychologist, Roxy Zarrabi, Psy.D., has explained, some people need more space than others since we have different personalities.
“It has less to do with you and more to do with how they get energized,” she added. So it’s important not to take their request personally, because we’re different which means we have different preferences.
According to Dr. Jaclyn Lopez Witmer, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist with the Therapy Group of NYC, try to understand that a healthy, strong relationship doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking moment together.
“We all need some novelty and change in our lives to keep us energized, and having some intentional space for oneself in a relationship can be a really positive experience.”
Make sure to also check: 12 Painful Signs Your Significant Other Isn’t In Love With You Anymore.
At the beginning of a relationship, when you’re in love, you probably wish to spend as much time with your significant other as possible, so you drop everything to make it possible, including spending less time with your friends.
But the truth is, it’s natural to have friends outside the relationship, so you can spend time with them when your partner wants some space. This way, you won’t feel hurt when they choose to spend Friday night with their friends, because you’ll be able to do the same thing.
According to Isabelle Morley, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, a strong bond doesn’t require spending all your free time together. In reality, it’s healthier for the relationship if both partners can spend some time with their friends as individuals.
Also, romantic relationships can be challenging, so having someone to talk to besides your partner can help your relationships because friendship provides a really good support network.
Read also: If Your Significant Other Is Asking You to Do These Things, They Don’t Care About You.
Some people hate being alone, that is why they prefer being around other people all the time. This might have something to do with unresolved attachment issues from your childhood or other toxic relationship, therefore, your partner’s request for space might make you feel very nervous.
But you need to understand that having some alone time is actually healthy for both of you and for the relationship as well. Try not to worry and overthink this too much, or create false scenarios in your head. See the time you spend apart from each other like something that will strengthen your relationship.
While hearing that your partner might want some time apart is not easy, that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. How you respond to their request is very important, so if you’re willing to give them some space, everything will likely be fine.
Make sure to also check: How to Save Your Relationship From Failure.
Maybe you used to watch Netflix together all the time, read side-by-side, cook or do all sorts of cozy things in each other’s company. But there’s nothing wrong with relaxing separately, because the truth is, maybe you feel like watching a romantic comedy while he would prefer something more violent like The Walking Dead.
Separate chill-out routines are actually healthy for the relationship, so you can watch your favorite movie while your partner is reading or watching a football match in the other room. This is especially important if both of you are working from home because spending 24/7 together can definitely do more harm than good for some couples.
Read also: How to Become a More Supportive Partner.
Jude Treder-Wolff, licensed clinical social worker who specializes in relationship skill development, “The best way to give a partner space is to dig in and challenge yourself to do something that’s a true challenge and takes you out of your comfort zone.”
So your partner needing space might not be the end of the world, and you can see it as an opportunity to set new goals for yourself, too. Discover new hobbies and try to fill your free time with things you really enjoy doing.
You can either go to the gym, join a yoga class, learn a new language, take a class, or do anything that you’re interested in and sounds fun. This way you won’t feel so bad when your partner is doing something on their own, as well.
Make sure to also check: 11 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Love You As Much As You Love Them.
Even though this is the exact opposite of space, planning more fun dates is key for the well-being of the relationship. Maybe you used to go to have dinner at a restaurant and spent a lot of time on your smartphones, instead of talking to each other.
From now on, try to make the most of the time you spend together because it will make the time spent apart a lot easier. It’s about finding the balance between the time you spend together and the one you spend apart.
Read also: 10 Ways in Which Stress Can Damage Your Relationship.
According to psychotherapist Alex Ribbentrop, LCSW-QS, “A person who is introverted may require more time to themselves.”
Try to understand that this is who they are and be ready to compromise if you want the relationship to work. Understand that they want some alone time once in a while, and be ok with the idea that it has nothing to do with you.
Find ways to compromise that work for you both, such as spending 70 percent of your free time together, and 30 percent of it alone, because balance is key in this situation.
Make sure to also check: Is It Possible To Forgive An Adulterous Partner?
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