1. It’s useless
There are some specialists out there that can tell in a matter of minutes if a couple can get over the bumps in their relationship or if they are on their way to filing the divorce papers. For example, Dr. John Gottman, a couples therapist who created a technique called the Gottman Method said that after he studied several couples in the field, he came to the conclusion that he is able to predict if the spouses are going to make up or divorce. He added the fact that 90% of the time he is actually right.
On the other hand, even if marriage therapists can share this information with you and maybe save you some time, money, and tears, they won’t say it. There can be several reasons why they want to keep this secret, such as keeping clients coming back and paying for sessions.
According to a study from 2005, led by the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, it has been found that after five years of studying couples who went to therapy for eight months, half of them stated that their relationships had improved. Also, a quarter of the couples filed for divorce, and the remaining were still fighting.
2. They don’t care about both opinions
When couples choose to go to therapy, they are thinking that someone trained and specialized is going to see everything from a different point of view than theirs. And also, they are expecting a specialist who is going to be objective, not someone that takes sides.
In conformity with Kenneth Altshuler, an attorney who is also the president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, it’s not uncommon for married couples to have the impression that their counselor is taking sides. She also added that this feeling won’t make any good changes in the couple’s relationship, but actually can make them worse.
Marriage therapists say that the majority of the time, any imbalance regarding the couple is completely inadvertent. If you think about it, even an experienced counselor can have problems giving their attention equally to his clients. That can happen because one person can feel more comfortable with someone’s style, which gives the impression of unfairness.
It’s best for both couple and therapist if the spouses are not afraid to tell the truth about their relationship, and also point out if they believe that their counselor is taking sides.
3. They’ve got their own
This one might be tricky and it’s because we are all humans, and sometimes, even though we are professionals, we still might talk or act based on our experience. For example, if a therapist is married, divorced, or single, this thing can affect his judgment towards their clients.
There are practitioners who are pro-marriage, and practitioners who are against it and believe that a divorce might be better. Before you think about what therapist to choose to go to, it’s better to find out if they are willing to give a quick and free session, so you won’t regret your time and money if they don’t meet your needs.
