Dating can be hard enough as it is, especially when your stomach is problematic. Inflammatory bowel disease can take dating to another level, and the struggle is real. More than 1 million people in the United States are dealing with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, so you can imagine how intimidating dating can be for them.
Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) can really affect one’s dating life because you don’t know when you might need to use the bathroom. Besides being very discouraging and inconvenient, IBD can also be very painful. That’s why many IBD patients tend to self-isolate themselves, because they prefer to play it safe, thinking that no one would like to deal with them.
However, IBD shouldn’t stop you from living your life and meeting new people. You deserve that as much as anyone does. Plus, you can learn how to make your dating life and your health condition function together.
Read on to find the 10 tips that will make dating with inflammatory bowel disease so much easier!
You can take the initiative and be the one that chooses the time and the location for the date. Knowing your condition, you’ll want to keep it short and relaxing, so stay away from very active first dates. Also, make sure to choose a location where you could use the bathroom when you’ll need to.
Therefore, you can think of a movie date night or a dinner date at a nice restaurant, instead of a hike or a bike ride. Also, be careful about what restaurants you choose, because that’s also very important. Liz Bryan, a 29-year-old with Crohn’s living in Washington, D.C. suggests staying away from steakhouses and Asian foods.
She also added that alcohol is not such a good idea, after several drinking nights that made her feel awful. She suggests leaving time between work and your date, so you’ll have the chance to go home and “deal with your business.” That way, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable and you could enjoy your night without feeling stressed.
Of course, the last thing you would want to do when your IBD symptoms are kicking in is dating. So if you feel like you’re not ready, don’t be afraid to cancel, because the experience itself requires a lot of energy and effort.
However, if you still choose to go, make sure you’re very confident. Trust yourself. Just because you’re dealing with IBD doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love.
“When you go on a date, you want to bring your A-game, feel confident, and be able to engage with the person,” says Liz Bryan.”When you are having a flare, you are not focused on the other person. It may be worth getting it under control before putting yourself out there.”
Also, click here to read the 10 Early Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Going to Last.
Most IBD patients fear sharing with their partner that they suffer from inflammatory bowel disease, thinking that they’re going to reject them. However, there would never be perfect timing and there’s definitely no rule about the best time to share that information. You just need to feel ready.
According to Frank Sileo, a psychologist in Ridgewood, N.J., who has Crohn’s disease, talking about your condition is very, very hard just because IBD is different from other conditions. “It’s not like saying, ‘I’m asthmatic and need an inhaler.’ It’s not dinner conversation.”
While there are people that like to tell as early as possible because they don’t want to waste any more time, there are also the ones that prefer to wait a little bit longer, until they get to know that person and feel more comfortable. Either way, it’s your choice and you should do it on your own terms.
Sileo suggests keeping the graphic details to yourself, at least at the beginning. Also, if you treat the situation with humor, you’ll definitely have a more positive response. Just tell them you suffer from a gastrointestinal disease that makes your stomach hurt.
Wonder it your partner is toxic? Click here to read the 10 Signs of a Toxic Relationship—Are You the Toxic One?
According to Sileo, you should be prepared at all times in order to avoid unpleasant moments. He suggests bringing your “Crohn’s kit” with you wherever you go. This kit should include toilet paper, seat covers, wipes, and a change of clothes just in case you’ll need it.
Also, make sure the place you’re going to has a bathroom that you can use. Or you can use an app that will help you find toilets in your area. The app is called Sit or Squat and it is very helpful for IBD patients.
It is also very, very important to know and understand your body’s needs. Firstly, you need to learn what foods are good for you, and what foods you should stay away from. Bryan says she usually avoid eating before a date, just because she doesn’t want to have to deal with an unpleasant problem.
Also, if she’s dating someone new, and she really likes them, she doesn’t stay overnight, because she doesn’t want to feel uncomfortable or weird. She explained that mornings are the hardest part of the day for her, so she prefers staying away from embarrassing situations.
You need to set your own limits and ask yourself if you’re willing to make compromises or not. Also, learn what’s acceptable for you and what’s not.
If you’re dating and things seem to be going well, you need to make sure your partner is educated and informed about what your condition really means. You might find it very strange, but most Americans have no idea what IBD is.
Firstly, you should start by telling them that it’s not deadly or contagious. Secondly, you need to make sure that they understand the facts. IBD is limiting you in certain ways and they need to know that. Most people know about stomach distress, and they’ll certainly be comfortable with that.
Sileo suggests just sharing with them how you manage it and how you live your life. Their response will tell you if they’re trustworthy or not, and if it’s worth investing time in that relationship.
Even though it is very hard to do, you should never take it personally. According to Bryan, if someone doesn’t want to be with you just because you have IBD, then that person is definitely not for you and you shouldn’t want to be with them, because they don’t deserve you.
Se recommends opening up to people about your problem because it will help you ease tension. Talk to your friends about it and you’ll see that you’ll feel so much better.
“The more open I am with it and the way it makes me feel, the more understanding people around me are. I may feel horrible sometimes, but I still want to have an active life,” Bryan says.
Andrew Tubesing, an author and support-group leader from St. Paul, Minn., who has a type of inflammatory bowel disease called indeterminate colitis recommends being patient, even though it’s hard. You shouldn’t expect people who never heard of IBD to be understanding and supportive right away.
Sometimes it takes time for them to process things. He shared that when he was diagnosed, both he and his wife needed a lot of time to understand what IBD is, but they made sure they were informed about the condition.
He shared that the other person will go through the same process as you do, without the symptoms. So you need to be patient because it can be hard for them as well. Give people time and space to process the information and understand what you’re going through.
Most IBD patients will understand that it’s hard to be in that sexy mood when you’re dealing with diarrhea, Tubesing explains. Also, there are some medications (like prednisone) that make it even harder for you to feel sexy. This medication is known to lower testosterone and it’s a mood killer.
Tubesing suggests stepping back from intimacy when you’re not in the mood. Also, you can find other ways to keep the flame going. Additionally, click here to read What You Should NEVER EVER Say to Someone in Bed.
Relationships end. Sometimes it’s very hard to let go, especially if you have IBD, but it’s very important to date the right person for you, the one that will understand your needs and will love you anyway.
Sileo suggests choosing a partner that has empathy because there will be moments when they will need to take care of you. Also, they need to be understanding, because you’ll miss a lot of important events because you’ll need to use the toilet.
You need a partner to support you and understand that IBD is hard and painful, someone willing to take the journey with you. Also, If Your Partner Is Asking You to Do These 10 Things, He’s Not The One.
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