Is your partner cheating on you? Pay attention to these potential signs of infidelity. Having to deal with an infidel partner can be very hurtful, but you need to make sure you’re not ignoring all the signs. If your spouse is no longer paying attention to you, it might be because they’re paying attention to someone else.
Read on to discover the 10 subtle signs your spouse is cheating on you!
They come home later
You were used to your spouse arriving home by 6 p.m. to share a much-needed end-of-day martini or help with the dinner, baths, and bedtime, and then, a sudden change in that routine occurs. That change could be a sign of cheating.
“When someone stops coming home at the regular time, on a regular basis, be wary,” says dating and relationship advice and etiquette expert April Masini. “When a schedule changes and there’s no comment about why or what he or she is doing differently, it may be because your spouse is cheating on you.”
Usually, a cheater will offer an excuse for their change in routine, like going to the gym late because it’s less crowded and because you’re less likely to question the “post-workout shower”, says Masini.
Date night has been replaced by a new guys-only club
Not cool. Date night is very important in every marriage, so when your date night with your spouse is canceled, the reason might be that they’re having a date night with someone else. According to Masini, author of Think & Date Like a Man, an experienced cheating spouse will keep your date night because he doesn’t want you to get suspicious but end it early because they have a “work issue” or a “poker game” that runs until after midnight.
“Breaking up the night to make time for date night with another lady is one way you’ll know you’re with someone who’s probably cheating,” she says.
They no longer want you to do laundry
While this sounds like something new for you, this may be one of the signs of cheating. “When your spouse stops letting you do his or her laundry or drop off his or her dry cleaning, you often have a cheating situation on your hands,” says Masini.
“There may be evidence on the clothes or in the pockets, and it’s much safer for someone who’s cheating to handle their own laundry and dry cleaning.” She advises you to pay attention to a spouse who looks like they’re doing you a favor because it’s more about keeping a secret.
You found a credit card in your spouse’s name you didn’t know about
Most married couples have joint accounts or share information about family finances, so when you find a card in your spouse’s name that you had no idea existed, they have something to hide.
“When you find a credit card, you’ve got a smoking gun,” Masini says. “Unless this is a work credit card, which you’d probably know about, a secret credit card is pretty hard and fast evidence that you’ve got a cheating spouse.”
Your spouse is too cool about the cell phone
Most women who suspect their man is having an affair will immediately ask to see their phone to scroll through texts and incoming/outgoing calls. Don’t be fooled if he lets you immediately to check through his phone, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, MD, author of the book The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity.
“If he gives you full access, it’s a sign he may have a second phone,” Dr. Haltzman adds.
Your marriage has turned sexless
“Not wanting to have sex anymore—or a lot less than usual—can mean many things, including that he or she might be cheating,” says Puhn. “Essentially if your partner is pulling away from you.”
Now, in this situation, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s cheating, he could also be focused on a job situation, financial stress, or a family health issue, but whatever the reason, you must talk to him about it, with warmth and tact.
“Let him know that you noticed a difference and try to rekindle with daily hugs, warm smiles, a touch on the back and, of course, pursue sex. See if this opens the door to a warm heartfelt conversation.”
Your husband is suddenly Mr. Gift Giver
He suddenly spoils you with a spa gift card or a new purse, out of nowhere and completely unrelated to a birthday, anniversary, or work promotion could be indeed a lovely surprise, or it could be a clue that your partner is feeling guilty about something and trying to compensate.
“Have a direct conversation,” advises Puhn. You could say something like: “It’s only been in the last few months that you are bringing me surprise presents. While this is thoughtful, I am wondering if something led you to start doing this?” Pay close attention to what he says and watch how he acts.
“Also, look for other clues, like if he cancels plans and those long-stem roses are some sort of consolation prize.” It could signal you’ve got a cheating spouse on your hands.
He has a special Facebook friend
Nicole sat down to her family computer and up popped a big surprise: a message from a woman that read, “I can’t stop thinking about you, baby. When will I see you again?” Let’s just be honest, a random social media friend don’t message like that. “Most cheaters these days are caught via text or on social media,” says dating and relationship expert Rachel Russo.
“When women snoop on a man or accidentally find something, it’s often what they suspected. There could be incriminating photos, texts, or a call history that would prove to be evidence of an affair.”
There are blackouts
“I’m not talking about someone being unconscious,” says Masini. “I’m talking about a spouse having blackout periods where you don’t know where he or she is, you can’t reach them, and you don’t get a viable explanation about where they’ve been or why they didn’t respond to a call or text.”
They ditch family time with the kids
“When a partner starts pulling away from people and occasions that are usually a high priority, it could be a cause for concern,” says relationship expert Amy Spencer, author of Meeting Your Half-Orange.
“Every person is unique in how they balance work and family, so the key lies in whether or not a behavior is ‘so not like him.’” From time to time, work can get in the way of family occasions, Spencer acknowledges, and let’s be honest, sometimes it’s a handy “get out of jail free card” for family events he might not be as into.
“But if your partner has always enjoyed BBQs with the family and kids, and if work has never gotten in the way of events like this before, it raises a red flag.”