Your in-laws are likely to give you all kinds of advice. They are right about some things, and they’re wrong about others. Find out what kind of advice to keep and what to ditch. Some of it is worth keeping. And some of it, not so much.

We spoke to the experts to get their opinion on what words of wisdom should be kept and which words should be tossed.

1.Advice to forget: Never fight

It’s kind of strange not to fight. Happy couples have fights, too. Otherwise, that means that one of you is too scared to raise the issue and that your problems will not be resolved. You shouldn’t have to hide how you feel when you’re in a loving relationship.

“Remember that your love interest liked you just the way you were when the two of you met,” says Gilda Carle, PhD, relationship expert and author of 8 Steps to a Sizzling Marriage. “If you suddenly withhold your passions about something, question whether you’ve given up your personal power. Fight for what you believe, and your passion will continue to turn your honey on.”

2.Advice to keep: Look good for one another

It might sound a bit old-fashioned, but your in-laws have a point. Ditch the sweats (sometimes) for the dress he loves so much. Put on the tight jeans that she adores. This shows that you’re not taking him or her for granted, even if you’ve been together for years. Added bonus: by taking such initiatives, you’ll feel more alive.

Research on couples around the world has found that the happiest couples have given priority to staying attractive to each other (along with giving back rubs and having good communication).

“Show that you still prioritize the connection you have as lovers, not just as parents or roommates,” says Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert, and author of Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband). “Dressing up for date night, for example, won’t only be noticed by your partner but it will likely remind you of the early days when you were courting each other.”

3.Advice to keep: Laugh together

It’s common to talk only about daily logistics and routines, especially when you have children. But healthy couples laugh at each other— and often. It helps to maintain the joy and the spirit of your relationship. “Laughing boosts everyone’s mood and probably is something you did in the early days of dating your partner,” says Syrtash. She adds that the average couple with children communicates uninterruptedly for about ten minutes a day.

“So it’s worth making time to chat, laugh, and hang out when the kid(s) are sleeping or even text during the day.”

It can help to bond you and give you a feeling of mutual joy and understanding. Professor Jeffrey Hall, from Kansas University, provides data-backed validity to something that you may have figured out for yourself: couples who laugh together, stay together.

4.Advice to keep: Cook for him (or her)

You think it’s crazy how your mother-in – law’s slaves to make dinner from scratch every night. But, maybe she’s got a point. The way to a man’s heart (or a woman’s heart, for that matter) may be through their stomach. Cook his favorite meatballs for dinner, even if you’re not a meat-eater. Surprise her with your homemade waffles on Sunday morning.

“Food has long been associated with love,” says Fran Walfish, PsyD (aka Dr. Fran), a family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent: Resolving Conflict and Building a Better Bond with Your Child. “It began with the love of the breastfeeding (feeding) mother to her infant.”

5.Advice to forget: Don’t keep secrets from one another

Yeah, the best approach is always honesty. But it’s all right if you keep a few things to yourself, even when you’re married. For example, when a friend says, “Don’t tell anybody,” it’s okay not to betray her. You want to be a good friend, and you don’t want to lose the trust of that friend. It’s all right to keep a friend’s secrets to yourself.

And your partner probably won’t understand or even think about it anyway, says Lisa Hochberger, M.Ed., a sexologist, sex educator, and relationship specialist. “There is no harm in keeping a friend’s secret that doesn’t affect your spouse,” she says.

6.Advice to keep: Compliment one another

Your father-in-law is telling your MIL that she looks gorgeous again. It’s a good habit to imitate. “Too often, couples start to take for granted all the good things about their partner and complain about the flaws and friction points,” says Jill Whitney, LMFT, who practices in Old Lyme, Connecticut, and blogs about relationships and sexuality. “It’s fine to talk about things you hope will improve, but it’s essential to also give attention to all the good things about the one you love.”

Happy couples know how to make a genuine and sincere compliment. In fact, the study found that receiving a compliment had the same positive impact as receiving cash.

7.Advice to keep: Show some PDA

You may think it’s weird when your in-laws get touchy-feely, but touch is the key component of intimacy and connection. “Touch allows for a sense of being connected and in sync with your partner,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of Joy From Fear. “Touch can be reassuring and affirming. A partner may feel safer when the other offers loving, supportive touch.” In fact, not touching can make the other person feel like you’re trying to fend off them.

8.Advice to forget: You must always act like honeymooners

The chemistry that we feel for a spouse will change over time. It’s not uncommon for a marriage to go through times where we experience a lack of love for our partner, even though your relationship is strong. With day-to-day obligations like work, running a household, and raising children, your love for each other can take a back seat.

You may not be able to fly off to the Caribbean or spend hours in bed like in your newlywed days to restore the romance. But you can do some things to rekindle your relationship. For example, Carle says that you can make a romance appointment by lining up trusted babysitters.

“Sure, advance planning loses its spontaneity, but keep in mind the beautiful family you exchanged for spur-of-the-moment lovemaking,” she says. “When life takes over, reality reveals that sometimes you don’t have the energy or interest to act as you did when you had fewer commitments.”

9.Advice to forget: Spend all your free time together

Your mom and dad may spend every waking moment together, but spending time apart is not a reflection of the status of your relationship. Actually, a break-even a short one— brings it to life it. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

“When two people are apart, they get to experience independent activities they can bring back to their honey and share through fresh eyes,” says Carle. “Each partner can grow from his/her time apart.” On the other hand, couples who spend every hour together can get bored by experiencing the same interaction. “Apartness adds spontaneity, which couples fear will disappear when they meld their lives,” says Dr. Carle.

10.Advice to keep: Say I love you

If you’re looking to develop a strong relationship, you have to say, “I love you.” “Saying I love you to your partner, whether it’s first thing in the morning or at bedtime, is important,” says Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. “And saying it with a shared kiss makes it extra special.”

Happy couples say that all day— when they wake up when they eat lunch when they go to sleep. She says she’s going to try other meaningful three-word phrases like “You amaze me,” “You enthrall me,” “I adore you” or “You ‘re my all.” Slip these words into conversation whenever possible.

11.Advice to keep: Check in with one another

Your father-in-law can’t drive to the supermarket without a call from your MIL asking if he made it there and he’s ok. You don’t have to chat 24/7, but people in stable relationships have a call or text— to show the child’s new mess, an online joke, or for no reason at all.

“Studies indicate that there has been a decline in communications between couples,” says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. “So it’s important to re-prioritize our relationships. Checking in can be a great way to do that. Use check-in time with your partner as a way to foster connectivity.”

12.Advice to keep: Don’t hold a grudge

You just won’t let it go that he was on a business trip on your birthday. He can’t forget that you didn’t make it to his company’s holiday party. Not letting go of something, aka grudge, is unhealthy to a relationship. “Holding onto a grudge can contribute to increased stress levels and cause harm to your physical and psychological well-being,” says Hall. “Letting go of grudges isn’t easy. But it’s important for your own health as much as the good of your relationships.”

13.Advice to forget: Don’t ask for what you want in bed

Women are better now than they were in the 30s and 40s for asking for their sexual needs, and they want to be satisfied, says Walfish. So, unlike your in-laws, tell your man what you want to be done in bed. And guys, it’s okay to ask for the frequency, speed, and type of sex you want and need.

“Sex is a wonderful way for couples to bond and communicate, in addition to verbal language,” says Walfish. “Healthy couples fortify the foundation of their relationship by nourishing the marital relationship with sex.”