Problems, problems, and again, more problems. You tried everything you could, in order to make your relationship work. You’ve had several talks with your partner, you changed some things that became routine, you went on trips, you asked for advice from your family or friends, you read books hoping that you will get the answers you are looking for, but it looks like everything has been in vain.

You might be thinking that a divorce or break might be a good thing for you, but you are not ready to let go. At least not yet. So you decide to try one more thing: marriage counseling. You heard about it, you did your research, and you can say that you are ready to talk about your problems. And so is your partner.

But how do you know who you can trust 100%? It’s not just about your feelings but also about time and money, because nothing is for free. Although counseling is good when you want to save your relationship, there are still some things that your marriage counselor won’t say. If you are curious about what can these things be, then keep on reading to find out!

1. It’s useless 

There are some specialists out there that can tell in a matter of minutes if a couple can get over the bumps in their relationship or if they are on their way to filing the divorce papers. For example, Dr. John Gottman, a couples therapist who created a technique called the Gottman Method said that after he studied several couples in the field, he came to the conclusion that he is able to predict if the spouses are going to make up or divorce. He added the fact that 90% of the time he is actually right.

On the other hand, even if marriage therapists can share this information with you and maybe save you some time, money, and tears, they won’t say it. There can be several reasons why they want to keep this secret, such as keeping clients coming back and paying for sessions.

According to a study from 2005, led by the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, it has been found that after five years of studying couples who went to therapy for eight months, half of them stated that their relationships had improved. Also, a quarter of the couples filed for divorce, and the remaining were still fighting.

2. They don’t care about both opinions 

When couples choose to go to therapy, they are thinking that someone trained and specialized is going to see everything from a different point of view than theirs. And also, they are expecting a specialist who is going to be objective, not someone that takes sides.

In conformity with Kenneth Altshuler, an attorney who is also the president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, it’s not uncommon for married couples to have the impression that their counselor is taking sides. She also added that this feeling won’t make any good changes in the couple’s relationship, but actually can make them worse.

Marriage therapists say that the majority of the time, any imbalance regarding the couple is completely inadvertent. If you think about it, even an experienced counselor can have problems giving their attention equally to his clients. That can happen because one person can feel more comfortable with someone’s style, which gives the impression of unfairness.

It’s best for both couple and therapist if the spouses are not afraid to tell the truth about their relationship, and also point out if they believe that their counselor is taking sides.

3. They’ve got their own

This one might be tricky and it’s because we are all humans, and sometimes, even though we are professionals, we still might talk or act based on our experience. For example, if a therapist is married, divorced, or single, this thing can affect his judgment towards their clients.

There are practitioners who are pro-marriage, and practitioners who are against it and believe that a divorce might be better. Before you think about what therapist to choose to go to, it’s better to find out if they are willing to give a quick and free session, so you won’t regret your time and money if they don’t meet your needs.

4. You should’ve come to me first

Prevention is always better than treatment! Even though some couples are not married, if they have big problems that they are not able to fix on their own, they choose to go to a therapist to find help.

According to several studies, most couples wait up to six years from their first big problem to decide that they are willing to ask for professional help. Unmarried couples prefer to go to a marriage therapist before they tie the knot because they are willing to do everything they can to make their relationship work and be sure that they can function as a married couple.

5. This won’t be cheap

Almost nothing is cheap nowadays, but a session of couple therapy can cost up to $200. There can be added additional fees, so it’s always better to ask before you decide to go.

Keep in mind that an hour of therapy won’t magically solve all your relationship problems, so you might need several sessions.

6. I’ll keep seeing you if you want to 

Although you won’t know how long it will take to solve all of your problems it is believed that a good therapist can help their clients set goals and deadlines for their issues. This will give them a purpose, and it will help them change their attitude towards therapy. A therapist who can help clients resolve problems over time will also scale sessions, which will lead to a few check-in sessions every few months, for example.

Couples who decide to go to therapy should not be afraid to ask for an evaluation from their specialist after a few sessions, in order to make an approximation of how many more they would need.

TAKEAWAY

Whether you like it or not, problems in marriages or any relationship, in general, can not be avoided. If you and your partner decide to go to therapy to make things great again, make sure you do your research beforehand!

With that being said, what do you think about marriage counseling? Have you ever been to one? Did it help? Don’t forget to share your though and your experience with us, by leaving them in the comment section down below!