Relationships are not all sunshine and rainbows, not even the healthiest and most functional ones. Couples have disagreements and arguments from time to time and it’s something quite normal. As a matter of fact, married couples who don’t have any arguments most often end up divorcing, according to clinical psychologist Deborah Grody.

But divorce has many causes and one of the most common causes is infidelity. In fact, 55 percent of couples cite emotional or physical infidelity as the main reason why they decided to call it quits. However, apart from emotional or physical unfaithfulness, couples nowadays are dealing with another type of cheating.

Financial infidelity

According to a 2019 survey, around twenty percent of American couples living together have a stash of cash hidden away from their partners or a secret bank account only they know about. In addition, 20 percent of respondents claimed that financial cheating would be much worse than physical infidelity.

If you’ve gone through such an experience with your partner, it might be difficult to trust your significant other again; if your partner was able to lie to you about money, what else are they capable of hiding from you? But don’t despair. There are ways to deal with any difficult situation. Even if it might be hard to move past your partner’s financial infidelity, it’s not impossible. should you want to do it. Here’s how.

Set things straight

The first thing the person guilty of financial infidelity needs to do is, to be honest and confess all of their financial mistakes. After setting the record straight, it’s easier to start fixing the mess they’ve created.

The next step is for both partners to put their conflict behind them and promise to work together to move past their problems. The person financially cheated on might need more time to accept what happened. This is not something that can be magically solved in the blink of an eye. The person who committed the financial infidelity should give their partners all the time they need to wrap their heads around the problem instead of pressuring them into adjusting to the new situation overnight. Counseling might be required to help partners trust each other again and rebuild their relationship. See also 11 Money Secrets Financial Experts Want You to Know ASAP.

Try to understand the reasons

There’s a reason behind every action, especially one as serious as lying to your partner. For instance, if one partner spends more money than they should on shopping or has a gambling problem, there are groups they could join to help them get rid of their compulsive shopping habits or gambling addiction. More than that, the partner with their addiction needs to want to change as well in order for their change to be real.

In more extreme situations, one partner could steal your identity and open credit cards in your name, without telling you about it. “It’s hard to realize someone could be so fake to you, someone you thought you understood and could read,” says Megan McCoy, a professor at Kansas State University who specializes in financial therapy and family counseling.

Check out 10 Money Mistakes That Might Ruin Your Relationship for Ever.

Draft a plan to repay debt

Another very important step in dealing with financial cheating is drafting a plan to repay the accumulated debt. This is something that requires both partners. Both of them need to have access to all of the accounts so that they can make sure that nothing else goes wrong and the debts are being paid off.

To that end, you should draft a thorough debt payoff plan as soon as possible. You might need to cut some expenses and use the extra money for the debt. In addition, you might have to think of other opportunities to make more money to clear up the debt like selling vintage items or picking up a side gig apart from your 9 to 5 job. These 10 Unconventional but Legal Ways to Make More Money might serve as inspiration.

Think ahead

If you want to rebuild your relationship and your budget, you’ll have to “hold” regular meetings and discuss the budget. No need to be tense and uptight and bring out past mistakes. The discussions should focus on the money spent since the last budget meeting. All of it. Analyze the things you might be overspending on, the categories where you’ve reached your spending limit and so on.

It might take a while before you get back on track, financially and relationship-wise, but if you succeed in changing your spending habits so that it benefits both of you as a couple, then it will all be worth it.

Spending doesn’t always have to be a problem. In fact, here are 7 Ways Spending Money Can Actually Make You Happier.

Don’t exclude any options

Being a victim of financial infidelity can make you feel a lot of things. If you feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to cope with your emotions, a counselor or third party can help you with that. If your partner doesn’t change their financial habits and continues to keep things away from you, you might need a break and time away from the relationship to decide what’s best for both of you.

If your partner doesn’t want to change their bad habits and you realize that you will never be able to trust your partner, it is OK to call it quits. Just make sure you don’t decide things in the spur of the moment. It is not something to be taken lightly. More than that, with an untrustworthy and dishonest partner, you’ll need to handle finances during the divorce with great care.