Loving someone is not enough if you don’t do anything about it. You have to make them feel appreciated, respected and loved, and it’s not the kind of thing you can achieve with words. When words aren’t enough, action is needed.
So instead of constantly telling your partner how much you love them, why not show them instead? And don’t get me wrong, saying “I love you” to your significant other is very important, but making them feel your love is priceless.
According to Elizabeth Babcock, LCSW, a therapist based in Pennsylvania, women need to hear the three words as much as possible, but you can also say “I love you” without using words.
There are small gestures than can seem insignificant at first, but they’re the ones that matter the most. Read on and find 10 ways to say “I love you” without actually having to say it!
Give her your full attention
We all know this by now, women love attention and they need it in order to be completely happy with someone. You can start by stepping away from your smartphone when she talks to you.
Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, a therapist based in New York City, suggests focusing n whatever she has to say and giving her your attention when she speaks. And by giving her your attention I do not mean watching television while she talks, because that way she’ll lose you on the way and you won’t stay focus for long.
Hershenson recommends stepping away from your phone, turning off the TV and simply have an open conversation with your partner. Or just listen to her, if she has something to tell you. You can go for a walk together or lay on the couch and catch up.
And it’s not even important what you do and how you do it, she’ll appreciate that you’re there for her.
If you’re the kind of man that randomly forgets about your anniversary or about her birthday, make sure to set reminders so you won’t miss an important date.
“Sure, it takes some of the spontaneity out of it, but that’s better than having life get in the way and not doing anything at all,” explains Michael Hilgers, M.MFT, a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Austin, Texas. He suggests letting technology be your best friend and use it to remember important dates.
For each important event (birthday, Valentine’s day, anniversary, etc.) you can add an icon so you don’t forget to buy her something nice. For example, if it’s Valentine’s day, you can add a red roses bouquet, if it’s your anniversary you can plan a romantic date night and so on.
It’s simple as that, and setting up reminders will help you remember everything that she cares about, plus you’ll avoid an unnecessary couple fight.
Listen to her
Helen Odessky, PsyD, a Chicago-based psychologist and author of Stop Anxiety From Stopping You suggests listening to your partner without feeling the need to give her advice. Just listen and don’t interrupt her.
For instance, if she opens up to you about having a bad day at work, ask her what’s wrong and say something like “I’m sorry you had a bad day, how can I make it better?”
Additionally, Odessky wouldn’t recommend saying something like “Why didn’t you say anything? You can’t let them do whatever they want.”
Even though you might have the best interest at heart, she needs someone to listen to her, not someone who tells her what she could’ve done better. I understand that this can be one of the hardest things to do for men, but it will show her that you really care about her feelings.
Don’t be afraid to apologize when you’re wrong
If you know you’ve messed up, you shouldn’t be afraid to say that you’re sorry. She won’t take it as a weakness, but she’ll definitely respect you more. Plus, everyone makes mistakes. She will also be in the position to apologize for something she did, and it’s the mature thing to do.
According to Julienne Derichs, a licensed clinical professional counselor based in the Chicago area, saying “I’m sorry” is like saying “I love you” in women’s language. These two simple words will also keep conflict away.
How to express a proper apology? Make sure to let her know how sorry you are, express regret, take responsibility for your actions and make amends. You can say something like “I am so sorry. I understand that I was wrong and I’ve hurt your feelings. Can you forgive me?”
Sometimes you gotta let her win
Every now and then, you need to suck it up and let her win the argument. According to April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert, sometimes you have to do what she wants. Whether she wants you to get a haircut, or get rid of your old, favorite sneakers, you need to please her.
Even if you do not agree with her, and you like your hair the way it is, or you still want to wear those sneakers even though they’re older than your children, if something seems like a big deal to her and it’s not that important to you, then you can let it go.
“Show her you love her by giving in and letting her win this one. Toss the smelly shoes, buy gingham and wear it with a smile, and cut your hair or shave your beard the way she likes. Whatever it is—show her she’s more important than you holding onto something way less important than she is, by giving up gracefully,” Masini explains.
Help her around the house
We all know most men hate doing the dished or other chores around the house, but it’s important to her and it shows her that you care. According to David Ezell, Clinical Director at Darien Wellness, equality is one of the most important aspects of a healthy, successful relationship.
It’s the simple things that count. So even if we’re talking about taking out the trash, or washing the dishes, it sends the message that “you’re in this together.”
Additionally, Ezell adds that studies have proven that doing chores around the house contributes to a better sex life, so it’s a win-win if you ask me.
Let her know you care about her family
Having a good relationship with your in-laws is not always easy, but it will show her how much you care. Megan Weks, a certified international dating and relationship expert, suggests trying your best to have a better relationship with her family and to the people that are important to her because it will demonstrate her how much you love her.
You can start by calling her father to see what he’s been doing lately or ask her about her mother’s health. These small things can make her feel more secure about your relationship.
For example, if you know that her mother’s birthday will be soon, suggest to make her a visit and offer to buy her flowers. She’ll feel very loved, for sure.
Let her influence you
In a healthy way, of course. By letting her influence you’re letting her know that her opinion means everything to you, Derichs explains. Even if you’re not sure about something, try to be open-minded and take her advice into consideration.
Letting her influence you means accepting her point of view, and maybe it’s something great you haven’t even thought about before.
You can never know everything there is to know about a person. According to Weks, if you lose interest and curiosity about a person, maybe she’s not the one for you.
She will feel very special if she sees you interested in her life and curious to know her better, even though you’re dating for two years. You can start by asking questions about her childhood, and who knows, maybe you’ll discover new things you didn’t know about her.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions
Sometimes all you have to do is ask. I get that women are not always an open book, so there are times when you just have to ask. If you don’t know what she wants in order to feel fulfilled and happy, you just gotta ask.
For instance, you can ask her what’s more important for her and what makes her feel more loved a romantic dinner and occasional flowers, or a cozy night spent at home, playing board games.
Maybe she wants more physical attention in order to feel loved or she wants the sweet-talk, either way, make sure to ask because there’s no better way to knowing what the other person prefers.