Every relationship has its own rules, but sometimes, rules were meant to be broken, right? Especially in this case.
1.Rule: You should be totally yourself with your partner
Feeling the need to hide your desires from your partner is a red flag. However, that doesn’t mean you should be totally filter-free around your partner, says Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and author of The Kindness Challenge: Thirty Days to Improve Any Relationship.
“The problem is that all of us have a pretty distinct capacity for both kindness and harshness and are more careful with other people to not let the worst versions of ourselves come out,” she says. “When we say ‘I can just be myself,’ sometimes what we mean is we can be the harshest version of ourselves.”
She advises treating your significant other to the best version of yourself instead of constantly using your partner to let off steam.
2.Rule: Sex should always be about mutual satisfaction
Healthy sex life will make both partners happy overall, but you shouldn’t expect that every romp has to involve equal attention to each of you, says Jane Greer, PhD, a New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship.
“Sometimes sex can be for one person and sometimes for the other,” she says. “It doesn’t always have to be both of you about all the time.”
There are times when you should give your partner some extra attention, and times where you shouldn’t feel selfish for asking for a bit more.
3.Rule: Venting is better than pent-up anger
When you’re upset with your partner, don’t let him everything that annoys you. “When you vent, you think you’re letting steam out of the kettle so it doesn’t explode later,” says Feldhahn. “But neurologically what you’re doing is actually turning up the heat. When you express anger more and more, it further activates an interconnected anger system in your brain.”
By discussing every little thing that bothers you, you’re just replaying those annoyances ver and over again. Instead of always complaining to your friends or to your partner’s face, think about every little thing that you love about your significant other. Soon you’ll find that those annoyances don’t bother you as much, says Feldhahn.