Dating is beautiful and fun but can also be very hard at times. There’s nothing like a first kiss, the feeling you have when you’re in love, those butterflies in your stomach, the excitement you feel before a first date and the sadness you feel at the last. But that’s the beauty of dating, sometimes it can transform into a happily ever after marriage, or it can have a sudden, hurtful end. Either way, it’s an experience worth having, one that will help you grow.
Women usually tend to have a long list of secrets they don’t want men to know. From checking his Zodiac sign to giving him a code name and making up excuses to get out of dates, women do these 20 things to avoid heartbreak and prevent major missteps that can appear along the way.
Read on and find the 20 secrets most women do but don’t like to acknowledge!
We do a little research before a date, or stalking, like some might call it
As a woman, knowing what to expect is very importantly, and we always want to be prepared. So yes, we do a little research here and there. And by little I mean we know who you dated back in 2010 and what was the name of your first girlfriend.
And no, we’re not crazy, we just don’t want to be caught off guard. Leaving jokes aside, we usually take a look at your Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter account, mostly because we want to find out what music you listen to, what are your interests, we want to see if you’re a funny guy, where you’ve travel and so on. If we’re feeling a little extra, we even check your LinkedIn to see where you work.
But as Trish McDermott, dating coach at Meetopolis.com and founding team member of Match.com explains, we live in a day an age where we use technology for almost everything. So if I use the internet to order food and see restaurant reviews, why wouldn’t I use it to gather some information about a man I’m dating? There’s nothing wrong about that.
It’s not craziness or obsession, it’s the desire to feel safe.
We tend to compare ourselves to your ex
Stalking people on social media also comes with some disadvantages. As I said before, we probably know already who you’ve dated before us and which was your longest relationship. After stalking you, we also take a look at your ex’s profile, just for a second, I promise.
Usually, that does more harm than good, as we tend to compare ourselves with the girls you previously dated. According to McDermott, comparing yourself to others is never a good idea, and we tend to lose sight of who we are. “She’s taller than I am,” or “She’s more beautiful.”
Either way, you can never win, because there’s always going to be someone that is better than you at something. You just have to acknowledge that you have other qualities, like your beautiful eyes and smile, or your long legs.
Also, it’s important to remember that those women are in his past for a reason, and he asked you out because he saw something in you.
We check your Zodiac sign to see if we’re compatible
Even if most women don’t believe in the whole astrology concept, we still check your zodiac sign for compatibility. As I said before, we like to know what to expect, so if you’re a Virgo or an Aries, or other sign that doesn’t go well with ours, we will blame it on your Zodiac.
We like to give you code names, especially when talking to out BFFs
Rarely does a woman talk about her date and refers to him by his real name. Most of the time, we come up with code names that could be anything from a beautiful feature you have (“Bambi eyes”), the place we met (“coffee-shop crush”) to your occupation (“tech guy”).
And these are the most basic code names out there, we can get much more inventive than that. However, you probably won’t ever find out what yours is.
We go to our group of friends for relationship advice
Before the first dates, especially, women like to seek advice from friends. From what to wear, to what topics to broach and what questions are better not to ask. We also share with our friends our expectations, how much we like you, and our fears.
For example, if we went through a bad break up recently, we will open up to our bestie about whether we’re ready or not for a new relationship, our hopes, and aspirations.
We want a man that has an opinion but also respects ours
Women don’t want men that agree with them all the time just to please them but also don’t like men who believe they’re right all the time. We also like it when men ask us out and then offer a suggestion about where we should go.
Even though women always like to have a say in everything, we still like a little mystery. And it’s definitely better than a man who says “we go wherever you want to go and do whatever you want to do.”
We like to tell our friends where we’ll go and when we expect to get home
This is a safety measure most women do all the time, especially when talking about first dates, where you have no idea how your partner is. We also have at least one friend that we can call of text if something goes wrong.
And it’s not that we don’t trust you, it’s just that we always say it’s better to be safe than sorry.
If we don’t like you, we’ll use excuses to get out of dates
Every woman has made up an excuse at least one time. Sometimes we come up with a “little” white lie to avoid a second date if we didn’t like how the first one went. We like to use our imagination and we think about the most innovative yet believable lies.
Or we can stick to the most basic one if we do not care if you can figure it out or not. For example, the most used excuses are: I’m not feeling well; I have to work late; I will be out of town; A friend came to visit; etc.
However, we know that lying is not ok and sometimes it even backfires. “Your potential date is likely to wait for your excuse out. And who can blame them? They have no idea that you’re simply not interested,” McDermott says. “Own your right to say no. You don’t have to make it a treatise on everything you find unattractive, boring, or just really weird about them. Keep it brief and keep it about you.”
We sometimes have a pre-meal meal before dinner
Especially if we don’t know if we’re going to dinner or simply have drinks, so we don’t want our tummies to rumble. And we also don’t want to be greedy especially if you’re the one paying for our dinner.
But according to McDermott, this is not ok. She explains that this kind of thinking goes back to an anti-feminist belief that women should act a certain way and should be delicate little birds. So don’t even think about this, and eat what you want and how much you want.
We sometimes search the menu online
Yea, as unusual as it might sound for men, we sometimes do that. We choose in advance what we’re going to eat. But we see it as a time-efficient measure because we’ll spend less time ordering and more time talking to each other.
We like to have a glass of wine before the date
Sometimes we need a glass of wine before a date, especially if we want to feel more courageous. It may sound silly, but a small amount of alcohol can make women more confident, and we need that especially before a first date.
However, McDermott warns that you shouldn’t make this a habit. She explained that your shyness is part of who you are, and showing emotion is sexy and brave. You shouldn’t have to hide that. And if he doesn’t appreciate that, he’s not the one and you should move on.
It’s very important for us the way you treat the staff
If you’re rude to the staff, impolite, arrogant, or simply impatient , we will see that as a red flag and leave. No one likes this type of behavior, we don’t see it as something sexy or masculine, and a second date will definitely not happen anytime soon.
Choosing what to wear before a date night is probably one of the hardest decisions
We want to look good for you, but mostly for us. We want to be sexy, but not too sexy, we want to look effortless, even though we spend two hours doing our make up and choosing what to wear.
We usually try multiple outfits in front of the mirror and if we really want to do a first impression, we often consult with friends. We can go that extra step by doing our own fashion show in front of a friend, trying on several outfits before deciding which one to choose. Are we excessive?
Yea, we are. But we don’t care, we wanna look good and will continue to do so.
We often try several make up looks
We often use Youtube tutorials for inspiration, try that cat look that makes out eyes very flirty and sexy, or a bold lip and rosy cheeks. But after several failed tests, we end up with our original make up that we do all the time.
If we arrive early, we make a stop because we don’t want to seem too enthusiast about our date
We don’t like to arrive early because we fear that we’ll appear uncool or too eager. But we also know that men don’t like women who are late, so we leave home earlier and make a stop along the way.
We sometimes go to the bathroom just because we want to text our friends updates
We often like to send just an “Everything’s fine. He’s really cute” text to our friends. And we often do that in the bathroom, or at the table while you’re in the bathroom.
We feel very awkward when the bill comes
For a woman, this moment is a very awkward one. We don’t know if they guy wants to pay, or if he wants to split the bill, so we often don’t know what to do.
There’s not a definitive best approach, so we like to offer to split the bill just because it is the safest approach that we can think of. Chances are he’ll pay the bill himself, but offering won’t hurt.
As soon as we get home, we call or text our friends
Even though we kept them updated throughout the night, we surely have more details for them that couldn’t be said throughout a text sent in a rush. So yea, chances are we’ll have a long FaceTime call soon after our date is over.
We will share what we like about you, what we don’t, after all, that’s true friendship.
We don’t like when men wait three days to text
This three days rule is actually childish and we do not like it when men do that. Those days when women consider men “too eager” are long gone, and we actually find interest sexy. We like a man that knows what he wants.
Especially after a certain age, we don’t like to play games anymore, and we want a man, not a child. If the date went well, we would like a text to know that you feel the same. We also like to know that you’re thinking about us, so a little “What’s up?” sent in the morning won’t hurt anyone.
Those rules about when to reach out after a date so as not to seem “too eager” are totally prehistoric, especially since texting is way more casual than a phone call. If the date went well, we’ll be happy to get a note, whether that’s a meme that references something we talked about the night before or just a “how’s your day?”
We often rework our calendars for second dates even before we are asked
If we feel like the first date went well, we will schedule the second date ahead of time and make time for you.