30 Funny White Lies Everyone in a Relationship Tells

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We all have little white lies that we tell every day— whether to friends, colleagues, or family members. But it’s the relationship of white lies that could be the most important, particularly at a time when many of us are hunkering down with our significant others and distancing ourselves from everyone else.

It’s more important than ever to keep our romantic relationships on the best possible grounds and let’s face it, sometimes that needs a bit of bending of the truth. If you’ve been together for five weeks or fifty years, every wise partner knows that raw honesty doesn’t make a healthy relationship.

In fact, according to a 2014 study published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, such white lies can actually be helpful to relationships, allowing those who participate in them to escape more challenges along the way. So, from laying it on a bit thick when applauding your significant other’s cooking skills to trying to keep a tense family dynamic under control, these are the funny fibs that every person says at some point in a relationship.

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“I didn’t touch the thermostat.”

When it comes to the temperature in the house, you like it a balmy 80 degrees. The partner wants it a frigid 65. And instead of a genuine compromise, you just move the thermostat up a few degrees so it doesn’t seem like you don’t know how it happened.

 

“No, your snoring doesn’t bother me.”

There are a lot of sweet things about your significant other, from their smile to the way they scrunch their nose when they’re focused on something. Their snoring, on the other hand, sounds like a chainsaw cutting through a redwood— but it’s definitely in your best interest to keep that opinion for yourself.

 

“I have no idea where the cookies went.”

Sometimes you just get a jones for Oreos, and you don’t even feel like making an argument about it.

 

“I would never watch that without you.”

So theoretically, you know what happened in the last episode of your favorite series, and in a strict sense, you would have packed it without your significant other— but in your defense, the episodes just kept auto-playing and the remote was so far away. At least in your heart, you maintain full TV loyalty to your one and only one.

 

“I love your mom’s cooking.”

Your mother-in-law’s “favorite” mayonnaise salad? Her mixture of canned fruit and Jell-O, which she calls dessert? You can hardly ever be able to handle them, but the chances are that you find yourself telling your spouse differently just to prevent an argument — especially if your MIL has been generous enough to drop those dishes on your doorstep while social distancing.

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“That ring is exactly what I would have picked.”

You’ve got the taste of champagne, and your significant other has a beer budget. That being said, even though you’ve always dreamed of an engagement ring so large that it would give you pain in your shoulder, the symbolic value of the exquisite (though smaller) one you’ve received from your significant other makes the bauble as sweet as it comes.

 

“I didn’t even notice the trash was overflowing.”

It’s very hard to get that overfilled bag of trash — potentially dripping disgusting liquid out of its seams— out of the garbage can, especially in poor weather conditions. And from time to time, you conveniently “forget” everything you saw in the first place.

 

“Don’t worry, it was on sale.”

Alright, so maybe the original price was more than your monthly rent, but you’re not actually lying about it.

 

“That outfit is awesome.”

Maybe those leather leggings or that mesh panel blouse aren’t your style, per definition, but your significant other certainly gets some recognition for trying something different, at least.

 

“My relationship with him/her wasn’t serious.”

To be honest, your significant other probably doesn’t want to hear about the number of times you’ve been listening to “Un-Break My Heart” since your ex packed up all their things from your apartment.

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 “No, I’m not cold—you take the blanket.”

Your toes might be literally ice, but you’re not going to take the covers from your perpetually cold partner.

 

“I would love to order some new furniture.”

Why don’t you want to explore the IKEA website, a place where furniture dreams are made and relationships are destroyed?

 

“My friends and I never talk about you.”

Even if your relationship is rock solid, there’s likely to be something about your partner that you’re bringing up with your friends. Nevertheless, everybody is better off keeping the impression that this is not the case.

 

“I’m just thinking about you.”

Typically said in answer to the infamous “What are you thinking about?” question, clever spouses know this little lie is a better bet than, say, admitting you’re worried about the end of Game of Thrones.

 

“I’m totally on board with your diet.”

It’s just that sometimes helping small businesses means delivering nachos, and anyway, it would be disrespectful not to take part.

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“Of course my mom loves you.”

There is really no valid reason to add “but she loved my ex more” to that statement.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t see your text.”

Your phone may be a functional ornament at this point, but every now and then you just need to enjoy the same independence that you had before Steve Jobs made you and that little brick so inseparable. Clearly, this is a harder lie to be managed while you’re in quarantine together, but we have faith in you.

 

“I’m always happy to work around your dietary restrictions.”

No meat, huh? No milk? No dairy? No gluten? Can’t you eat something that didn’t fall from a tree? You’re going to have to deal with it one way or the other, and you might be as excited about it as well.

 

“You definitely can’t tell that photo has a filter on it.”

“Your skin always looks like it was airbrushed to the point of featurelessness, my dear.”

 

“I don’t care if we get each other anniversary presents.”

Of course, you wouldn’t be upset if the gift box with your name ended up on the kitchen table, but you’re not going to ask your significant other to decimate their bank account.

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“It’s great having the dogs in the bed.”

If you wanted a fur blanket, you’d probably bought a fur blanket— but it’s all right. Everything’s all right.

 

“I think that jersey goes with everything.”

Your husband loves their hometown team— and you, as someone who doesn’t want to get divorced, accept all the paraphernalia they wear to prove it.

 

“Cuddling is my favorite!”

You certainly didn’t want to go to sleep, watch movies, or simply do something else in bed.

 

“You’re right, this bed does need another throw pillow.”

The more, the better it will be! Who needs space to sleep, anyway?

 

“I’ve had this outfit forever.”

If you’re not in a financial state to do so, explore the ins and outs of who bought what and how much you’re going to add to your life an unwanted mess.

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“Nothing you could do would gross me out.”

Biting your nails or chewing with your mouth open? I think it’s cute.

 

“You never come up in therapy.”

Why will your spouse’s habit of sharing all of your issues with their mother ever come up as a topic of discussion with your therapist?

 

“I don’t mind carrying that in my purse for you.”

Of course, your partner might still bring his own bag— but until that day comes, you’re just going to have to do it.

 

“I think it’s your turn to take the dog out.”

It’s just so hard to remember who gave him the last walk, particularly when you’re tired and it’s raining!

 

“Your best friend is always welcome here!”

They make your significant other happy, so you’re going to do your best to overlook the fact that they keep their shoes in the house, eat all the food in your fridge, drink most of the wine they bring, and struggle to keep the right six feet away.

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