Family relationships are not easy. It’s normal to have disagreements with your siblings or even with your parents. Usually, we tend to say a lot of hurtful things to them when we are angry, knowing that they will forgive us because we’re family. However, things can get out of hand sometimes, and we can say things we don’t really mean. After all, we are humans and anger does that to people. My suggestion is thinking twice before saying something hurtful to your family because it can affect them more than you’d think.
Still, there are some things you better not say to your family. Find out what phrases you should never say to your siblings, cousins, and parents!
Never say “I hate you” to your mother
The mother-child bond is so special and there’s a good reason for that. Mothers will forgive their child for almost everything, but your words can really hurt them. Hate is a very strong word and no matter how upset you are with your mother, you should never tell her that you hate her.
“What if these were the last three words you said to your mother?” says Kristie Overstreet, a licensed professional clinical counselor, certified sex therapist and author of Fix Yourself First: 25 Tips to Stop Ruining Your Relationship.
“If something tragic happened and this was your last statement to her, you’d have a difficult time healing. You never know when it will be the last time you speak or see her.”
When you want to say something hurtful to your mother, always think about the fact that every conversation you have with her can be the last one. If you’re terrified by this thought, you should control your temper and tell her you love her instead.
“Walk away, grit your teeth, or take a deep breath instead of lashing out. Write down your thoughts and feelings so you can process them. Don’t use three words that may haunt you the rest of your life.”
Try to avoid saying something you’ll regret, even though moms can be really annoying sometimes.
Don’t tell your mother “You already told me that”
As I said before, moms can be really annoying sometimes, but that’s only because they love their children so much and want what’s best for them. If your mother keeps telling you to take care of yourself or to eat something because you lost some weight, appreciate that someone is taking care of you, instead of being rude to her.
“By telling your mother that she repeated herself, you’re coming off as rude and snarky, and even implying that she’s slipping mentally,” says Stacey Laura Lloyd, health and relationships writer and coauthor of Is Your Job Making You Fat? How to Lose the Office 15…and More!
“As a result, don’t be surprised if she responds angrily, curtly, or even accusingly.” Like you don’t ever repeat yourself? We’ve all said things more than once. But don’t lose your patience or fly off the handle when your mom does. Instead, try to relax her with some levity. Say something like “Really? No way! And then you did…”
Being a mother is a full-time job and there’s no greater love than a mother’s for her children. If she’s acting thoughtful, let her. Is she’s stressing you over something, let her. She cares for you more than she does for her, appreciate that.
Never tell your father: “Call Mom and see if it’s OK”
Dad has the ability to make family-related decisions himself. By saying “Call Mom and see if it’s OK” to him, you’ll be making him feel like his opinion doesn’t matter to you. Don’t make him feel like he has to run every decision he makes with her, he’ll feel useless.
“Having parents means sometimes your father will call the shots, and other times your mother will take the reigns,” says Spira. “Dividing responsibilities doesn’t always require a check-in for busy parents.”
“So many fathers feel they’re extraneous to the marital team,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., relationship expert, and author of 8 Steps to a Sizzling Marriage.
If you want to avoid making your dad feel like his opinion doesn’t matter to you, do not ever tell him these words. Let him feel like he’s in charge of the situation from time to time and trust his actions.
“When dads feel they have to ask permission from Mom, they may feel disposable.” Dr. Carle says that can make dads feel worthless.
“Letting your dad take charge when he offers to do so will show you respect him as a parent and will take the pressure off your mom,” says Spira.
Never tell your siblings “Why are you being so protective?”
There’s a special connection between siblings but their relationship is never easy to handle. A protective brother or sister may annoy the other sibling. You’re probably tired of hearing your brother when he’s telling you not to see that boy anymore because he’s not good for you. I’m sure this is a common situation between two siblings, and one always gets mad. Understand that they want to protect you and don’t want you to be sad.
“Sure, you’re an adult and can do what you want,” says Overstreet. “However, don’t make a careless mistake that will affect the relationship with your sibling who will be in your life forever.”
Plus, they may know some red flags about that person that you don’t. Think about that before getting in a fight with your brother for being overly-protective.
Never tell to your spouse: “Amanda’s husband is amazing”
If you want to make him feel bad about something and you think that comparing him with your friend’s husband will be helpful, you’re wrong. Men hate to be compared with someone else, and for a good reason, everyone’s different.
Every family has their disagreements. Maybe Amanda’s husband does the dishes more than yours, but maybe he also has some flaws that you know nothing about. Do not forget, the grass is always greener on the other side. You have no idea what happens behind closed doors, it may be unhealthy and unhappy even it doesn’t seem like it.
“Stop focusing on everyone else’s relationships and put that jealous and envious energy into working on your relationship,” says Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach.
Never say to your in-laws: “Your son/daughter prefers it like this”
One’s relationship with their in-laws can be rough. That’s why you should try keeping certain phrases like “Your child likes it done this way” off-limits if you want a healthier communication with them.
“Parent and child have the ultimate bond,” says Francesca Di Meglio, the former Newlyweds Expert for about.com and writer of the Italian Mamma blog.
“Trying to one-up Mom or prove that your relationship with her child is better than the one she has will only hurt feelings and reap resentment.”
parents usually know their children better than anyone, so they won’t appreciate you telling them how to act in front of their children. When it comes to the in-laws, it’s better to be polite and keep your thoughts to yourself from time to time, if you don’t want to turn them against you.