Being in a relationship is oftentimes complicated, but using the right words and a little sweet talk here and there can really make up your partner’s day. But sometimes, things might not go as well as you would want them to, and even though you want to express your respect and gratitude, your words might make the situation even worse.
There are some things you should always avoid ever say to your partner, and according to relationship experts, ‘I can’t live without you’ is one of them. And now you probably wonder why can’t you say that, considering it’s actually lovely and you’re telling them how much you love them. However, these words can put a lot of pressure on your partner even though you don’t realize it.
According to Lori Lawrenz, PsyD, a clinical psychologist with the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health, she advises that using statements such as ‘I can’t live without you’ can set off an unconscious bias in which you partner is given a heavy psychological load of responsibility that the speaker may not realize they have imparted.
The problem with this ‘all or nothing’ statement is that is can be very heavy for the one that’s praised and can put a lot of accountability on their shoulders. Even if you had the best intention at heart, this can trigger a lot of negative emotions.
According to Lawrenz, your significant other might see you as needy and dependent if showing these emotions. Also, according to Channa Bromley, PhDc, a relationship coach and CEO of My Love Gurus Coaching if you think this is attractive, well… it’s not. Humans are attracted to those who are confident, have self-esteem, and live passionately, she added. Therefore, by putting all your value on your significant other they will be less attracted to you and it can lead to a lack of passion in your relationship together.
“Imagine a table with only one leg to hold it up—it’s not very steady, is it? If the partner is having a bad day and is feeling deflated themselves, and not able to ‘fill-up’ the other’s emotional hole, the table will collapse,” according to Bromley, adding how exhausting this state of mind can be if maintained for a long time.
According to relationship coach Lucress Irizarry, author of Getting on My Last Nerve!, while you wanted to express your appreciation and love, this statement can prevent your partner from living their own life. They will have problems in building new friendships, spending time with other people, and engaging in new experiences.
Your significant other won’t be able to enjoy their life to the fullest because they are always distracted by the idea that you won’t be ok in their absence, Irizarry added.
However, there are any phrases that might be intended as a compliment but have a totally unexpected result. Take a moment to discover what you should never ever say to your partner!
Make sure to also read: Top 5 Worst Things You Could Possibly Say to Your Ex, Top 4 Worst Things You Could Possibly Say to Someone Who Just Got Divorced, and Top 4 Worst Things You Could Possibly Say to an Old Friend.
‘You are my whole world.’
According to Laura Louis, PhD, a licensed psychologist and founder of Atlanta Couple Therapy, this statement is a big no-no, especially if you just started dating. These words could scare away the other person.
Additionally, you can be too attached to the other person, to the point where you have a love addiction, Louis said. Also, your partner is not there to meet our needs all the time, and they definitely shouldn’t be the only thing that brings you joy in life. Your relationship might be ruined soon after you say those words.
‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’
According to says Nicole Arzt, LMFT, a licensed marriage therapist who works with Well Beings Counseling, the phrase ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you’ is quite the same as ‘I can’t live without you’ and we’ve established already why you should never ever say that, no matter how much you love someone.
And I get it, you might have the purest intentions at heart, and yes, it might sound very sweet and lovely, but it also makes you sound helpless and appear vulnerable. Your partner might feel trapped in the relationship after you say those words, instead of feeling flattered. That’s why it would be better to stick to more basic statements. After all, ‘I love you’ can be powerful too.
‘You complete me.’
Why would you say something like this? You weren’t complete without your partner? According to Darcie Brown, LMFT, a marriage therapist based in California, no partner in the world could ever complete you. YOU complete you and no one else. Also, these words can diminish your own autonomy, Brown added.
Your partner will feel like they have control over your life since you’re not shying away from saying you’re not complete without them. As humans, we need to know that we can live without our significant other and they can live without us, we just don’t want to because we love each other, but that’s a whole different thing.
Say something like ‘You make me very happy’ instead, there’s no need to let others assume that your life would be nothing without them. After all, you can’t predict how long someone will be in your life.
‘You saved my life.’
This statement might appear innocent at first, but you should never say it unless you want to make them feel like the power dynamic is entirely in their favor. Because that’s what those words do, they let your significant other have control over you, as it “elevates your partner to a position of a savior or a god.”
They will feel like your whole life depends on their actions, which will give them the impression that they can’t be human or make mistakes. You could tell your partner how much you appreciate them, but maybe it would be ideal to stay away from such dramatic statements.
Now that we’ve established what you shouldn’t say to your partner, make sure to discover the 8 Things You Should Tell Your Partner Every Day.