I think we can all agree that feeling frustrated or angry when your partner does something you don’t like is probably one of the worst emotions out there. You can actually feel the blood rushing to your head, the rage, the desire to lash out, and even some kind of bad butterflies in your stomach. These feelings usually make you react in some unexpected ways, leading to the most natural response that makes you say something that you might regret later.
While it’s our natural reaction as humans to want to defend ourselves in life-or-death situations, it isn’t the right way to act in a relationship, that’s for sure. According to relationship expert Terry Real, this feeling is ‘the whoosh’. Additionally, psychotherapist Juliane Taylor Shore, LPS adds this reaction can happen in one-twelfth of a second. Why?
Therapist Julia Bartz, LSW has the answer. The response usually activates your brainstem, the part of the brain that is responsible for ensuring your survival. Also, when entering survival mode, it’s almost impossible to have a productive conversation with your partner. Instead of raging at your significant other, you might want to think of another method that helps you have an open conversation.
If you don’t learn how to control the way you react when you’re angry, your relationship might be at risk. While it’s definitely easier said than done, Bartz says you should try and make an effort if you want to keep your relationship. Read on to discover what you need to do the next time you feel like raging at your partner in order to not ruin your relationship!