Relationships end, and it’s not always on good terms. While amicable break-ups do exist, most of them are bitter. But that’s understandable, considering that there are a lot of things that could put an end to your relationship, and it’s not always mutual consent.
However, no matter the cause of the breakup, if you’re going to talk to your ex again, make sure to do it with dignity and respect. But that’s not always very easy, especially if the breakup really hurt. But some phrases are worse to say than others, so even if you want to appear cold and heartless, remember that this person was part of your life at some point and you should treat them with respect.
The worst thing you could say to your ex, according to relationship and communication experts is “I never loved you anyway.” Even if it is true, why would you want to say something like that? It’s an unnecessary twisting of the knife. Your goal should be moving on, not seeking revenge, and making them suffer.
According to explains Cassandra LeClair, senior lecturer in the department of communication studies at Texas State University, “his type of comment reinforces feelings of self-doubt and may lead them to question themselves in relationships going forward.
“Saying something that undermines their security or sense of self is hurtful and damaging,” she adds. “This includes bringing up a topic or area that the other person was or is self-conscious or insecure about, either in the relationship or within themselves.”
Gregory Canillas, CEO of the relationship coaching business Soul 2 Soul couldn’t agree more. According to Gregory, the worst two things you could say to an ex are ‘I never loved you’ and ‘Our relationship was a waste of time.’ While it is true that these words are usually spoken in anger, they can be very painful and hard to swallow.
Read on to find the top 5 worst things you could possibly say to your ex!
Make sure to also read 10 Things You Should Never Do to Get Over a Relationship.
‘I always knew our relationship wouldn’t work’
This might be true, or it might also be your way to express frustration and anger. However, no matter the cause, that’s something you should never ever say to your ex.
As relationship expert Amy Olson likes to say, telling someone ‘I always knew our relationship wouldn’t work’ will make them feel inferior and embarrassed. They will feel like they weren’t enough for you, and while you might think that is true, it’s not worth hurting someone just because you feel superior.
“You both definitely have a sour history, but now it is past you,” adds Amy.
You’re having relationship problems? Click here to find out the 10 Early Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Going to Last.
‘I’m in love with someone else’
Moving on is normal after a breakup and it surely is the healthiest thing to do. But you moving on and your partner moving on doesn’t always happen at the same time, so it can be very hurtful for your ex to hear you talk about a newfound love.
According to Sandra Glavan, the founder of Super Sensitive Sandi, a resource aimed at helping people reduce and manage anxiety, “In many cases, one person still has some feelings even though you were not right for each other. And this is especially true if they haven’t met anyone else.”
Therefore, it’s a very wonderful feeling that you’ve moved on and you’re in love again, but you don’t have to tell that to your ex who’s probably still suffering. You could say something like ‘I’m doing ok’ instead. It’s less hurtful and more sensitive.
‘I’m doing so much better without you’
As I said before, it’s wonderful that you’ve moved on and you’re doing good. Great for you. However, showing off your post-breakup achievements can cause unnecessary heartbreak to your ex. It’s like pouring salt in the wound…
According to alternative health expert Jeanine Duval, the worst thing you could say to an ex is that your life is so much better since they’re no longer part of it. He suggests staying friendly and respectful, instead of saying something that could be hurtful for both parties. If you don’t feel like talking to them, that’s fine, just don’t say something that you might regret later.
‘Things could’ve worked’
Now that we’ve established why you should never say the three hurtful statements mentioned above, we should also talk a little bit about the things that keep you stuck to the relationship even after it ended.
The goal is to move on and to be happy without them. Suggesting that things between you two could’ve work indicate that maybe you’re still not over them. You should always remember that things ended for a reason and maybe it wasn’t meant to be with them, but it will be with another person.
According to author and life coach Aidan Park, it’s not healthy to hold on to unnecessary feelings that won’t allow you to move on. If you have taken the decision to split ways, that’s probably for many reasons, he adds. Aidan suggests moving on with your life instead of creating an emotional affair that will get you nowhere.
Click here to find out more about 22 Reasons Why Relationships Typically Fail.
‘I still love you’
I think most people have experience hear break at least once in their lifetime and sometimes it appears impossible to get over a breakup. However, telling someone that you still love them will only do more harm than good.
After breaking up, your goal should be to move on, and telling someone ‘I still love you’ is not quite moving on. You’ll prolong the healing. Better say something like ‘We had a good run and I wish you the best.’ Even if you’re not quite over them yet, take things slow and fake it till you make it.
Make sure to also read What You Should NEVER EVER Say to Someone in Bed.