Kids are great: they are playful, hilarious, smart, beautiful and have pure intentions, but what can you do when you find yourself with adult children that are behaving like a group of little ones? I know that you will love them no matter what, but there are a few ways to make them more responsible and capable of doing things on their own.
With that being said, today I want to talk to you about how can you find out if you are too financially generous to your kids. It doesn’t matter if they’re teenagers or older, I’m sure you’ll find what I’m about to tell you useful.
1. Your kid is becoming dependent on your help
Although sometimes it’s cute when your little kids are constantly after your feet and they need your attention and protection, but it’s not the case anymore when there are older. If your kids are old enough to get a job, you should encourage them to get one. It’s not like you won’t support them financially anymore, but they will understand early that they need to do something in order to have money.
Unfortunately, money doesn’t grow on trees. If you are teaching your kids how to make their own money when they are really young, they won’t have trouble with being responsible when they’ll grow older.
For example, if your kids are 16 and it’s summertime, you can encourage them to take a part-time job. This way, they’ll now that they’re able to get the things they want themselves.
On the other hand, if your kids are constantly asking you for money, especially when they are over 20 years old, that means they’re having trouble supporting themselves. You can help them develop a financially plan that they can stick to. Otherwise, you’ll have some big babies.
2. Your assistance is always expected
It’s never good to feel like your help and support are being taken for granted. It is true that parents have to support their kids financially, but it doesn’t have to be like that when the children are already adults and could easily find a job. If you choose to help them, go on, but you don’t have to do everything for them. Teach them how to be independent and live on their own. They won’t have you forever and one day they’ll have kids of their own.
A lot of parents are wiling to compromise their happiness and well-being so that their children can live a great life. With that being said, I think that parents and children should have open discussions about all the issues in the family, especially when it comes to money.
Don’t feel like you owe your children everything. Instead of always giving them what they want, you can ask them to perform some services for you, such as washing the dishes everyday for 2 weeks.
Instead of giving a ton of money to your over 20 years old children, you can help them find a job and if they still need money from you, just give them some, but like I said: ask for something in return.
3. You’re always thinking of worst-case scenarios
If your children call and ask you for money and you say no, you will feel guilty, thinking of how your son or your daughter will end up being homeless. Don’t worry, they don’t ask you for money when they only hit rock-bottom.
If you already contribute with a financial check each month, be firm and learn to say ‘NO’. Unless there is a medical condition or a really bad situation, teach your adult children to prioritize things. Don’t let them go clubbing or eat out every night and then call you saying that they haven’t enough money to pay the rent.
You may seem harsh at first, but it will be for their own good. Sometimes, a little tough love doesn’t hurt.
4. You don’t have enough money for yourself
If you find yourself struggling to live a happy life and you are calculating every penny you spend for yourself, but also, you give all the money you have to your children, that means it’s a problem.
First of all, your children won’t know that you have some issues and will continue to ask you for money. Or maybe you will tell them, but they won’t care that much. That means your children only need you when it comes to financial support. Either they were raised this way, either you gave them that much money, that now they take your for granted.
Take attitude and talk to your children about these problems and don’t be so generous if they don’t have some serious reasons they need money, such as buying a house, paying for a wedding, medical care, education, buying a good car etc.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t help your children when they need it. For example, if your children want to buy their first house or car, but they don’t have enough, you can talk to them and come up with a solution. You don’t have to give them absolutely everything, but help them when it’s necessary. This way, they’ll know that they can count on you when they’re low, but won’t take you for granted.
Long story short, keep in mind the situation: if there is something important, then help you children as much as you can. But if there’s something that they can easily pay for themselves, then help them by teaching how they can do that. Also, don’t be extremely strict and not give them everything, but learn together how to prioritize things.