Sometimes, a fling is not always just a fling. Some people might be in your life for a short period of time but still, leave a powerful mark. A short fling could also hurt you more and leave you more broken-hearted than a long-lasting relationship. Love doesn’t always have logic, but when the time passes and you still find yourself hung up with someone you dated for a short period of time it can be a real downer.
You probably wonder why does it hurt so bad considering they were just a fling and what can be done to heal your heart? Firstly, there’s no need to feel ashamed for feeling the way you do. You need to be ok with the fact that you’re human, and that means being vulnerable once in a while.
According to Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, a Pennsylvania-based clinical psychologist, “The time we [need to] heal doesn’t need to equate to the [amount of] time we date.” Each person you meet is different, and every relationship is unique, regardless of the time spent together.
Read on to discover why you might have a hard time getting over a fling, and discover your best course of action according to relationship experts!
You met them at a crucial time in your life.
According to sexuality educator and sexual wellness coach Dr. Jill McDevitt, a fling can leave you broken-hearted when it seemed very promising, either because you met them at a particularly good time in your life where things ran smoothly, or you met them at a particularly bad time where you needed comfort and they helped you get it, or simply because you didn’t expect it to end.
No matter what reasons you have to feel this way, you should know that there are set rules about when and how you should heal. Try not to be too harsh on yourself, even if you probably want to understand why you’re feeling the way you do.
The happy hormones might be influencing your emotions.
According to Dr. McDevitt, humans can fall in love really quickly and get attached to someone new just because our bodies react to excitement and pleasure. When you’re spending time with someone you really like, touch them and kiss them, the three feel-good hormones (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin) are released in our brain and makes us happy instantly!
And then, before you know it you’re falling in love with them. Usually, the excitement of a new romantic partner is a very powerful feeling. So when this feeling is taken away from you it might be hard to say goodbye because you might not feel prepared.
Make sure to also check The 10 Stages Of a Breakup-How to Make it More Bearable.
Certain attachment expectations begin in childhood.
As humans, we get a lot of emotional and mental patterns from our childhood. According to couples therapist Jana Edwards, LCSW, the way you get attached to a potential partner could have its roots in the expectations you had in your brain since infancy. According to Edwards, “We project whatever we want to see onto that partner.”
“If we imagine that he or she is somehow perfect or highly desired by others, it can make it very hard to deal with losing them. In addition, if someone has difficulties dealing with any significant loss, heartbreak can seem unbearable and will be postponed as long as possible by continuing to hope for a reconciliation.”
How to get over a fling
According to Dr. Zuckerman, you first need to identify how much anxiety and sadness affect your everyday life. For example, be wary of how the breakup interferes with your day-to-day life, such as not sleeping well, not feeling the desire to talk and be around people, having meddlesome thoughts of the person, or finding yourself obsessively ‘stalking’ them on social media.
Dr. Zuckerman urges people to try to set a self-care routine that involves sleeping and eating properly, doing fun activities and things you love doing, and communicating with your close friends and family members. And even if you might not want to talk to a professional about it, Zuckerman recommends staying away from their social media accounts. By constantly checking what they’re doing, you only prolong the feelings of attachment and make the healing process more difficult.